Sometimes she had wondered if life wasn’t easier when she didn’t care. When she knew no reason to fight for anything. And was too tired to want anything. Too exhausted to dream or plan. Too indifferent to hold on to something that didn’t stay in her life all by itself. Too bored with herself. She was just there. A stupid coincidence. A stupid joke. She did what she did or didn’t do. She didn’t laugh, she didn’t cry. She did feel, but whether it was pain or joy… despair or happiness… – it made no difference.
She had come to understand that she was nothing more and nothing less than an arbitrary thing whose comings and goings, whose actions and whose happiness were irrelevant.
And sometimes she had wondered if life wasn’t easier in those days. After all, things only became complicated when they took on meaning….
[And you have to breathe. Breathe. Not think. Not plan. Not wanting. Not searching. You just have to breathe. And wait. And see. And feel.